While I’ve drifted from its original purpose, this blog was, as its point of creation, intended to be a place where I deposited each and every one of my thoughts regarding what the hell I was putting on my face. I have tried . . . so many . . . beauty products it’s difficult to keep track of, and I also am hopelessly obsessed with my own face, so it’s a perfect opportunity.

However, as you can tell, we have, dear reader, drifted.

I’m actually going to not only dip a toe back into that first context, I’m going to go back even further to the reasons why I have put so much crap on my face to start with: I’ve had acne for more than half my life. I thought about actually listing each and every one of the products I’ve used – prescriptions included – and how they affected me, if they worked, etc., and I realized that the most important lesson about acne (cue after-school special music) is that there is no magic bullet, of course. Any adult with acne reading this most likely agrees that without extensive amounts of time, money, AND a professional who works intimately with your specific skin type, you most likely will be managing it so it isn’t so bad, as opposed to getting rid of it entirely.

That isn’t to make you feel hopeless/resigned/depressed. I wanted to write this because like most things that are chronic, there’s a mix of taking action/control and mentally becoming at peace with it that is key to a powerful existence with something sucky. Also – again, not to be a downer – this shit can strike at any time, especially for people dealing with hormone fluctuations. New birth control? Forget it. (I mean, don’t forget it, don’t ever forget that, but you know what I mean.) While I have had acne since I was 15, there was a period of time in my 20s – literally only a couple of years – when I found a routine that made my skin look like a baby’s. And not a newborn’s, when they’re all wrinkly and red, but when they’re like that perfect 8 – 10 months when they can sit up and actually, like, react to the world around them. But, sigh, they discontinued the product line (I honestly can’t even talk about it) and then I got an IUD and well, that’s the name of that tune.

Essentially, I figure that there are people every day waking up, due to some life change, to a bunch of stuff on their face that they’ve never had to deal with before, and don’t have a clue as to how to deal with. This is who that blog is for. Meaning, please don’t email me and tell me that this is “obvious” or whatever, this isn’t for people who have had years of experience and experimentation behind them. Whomstever, you may find some stuff near the end sort of interesting if you like the side of me that is more of a hippy and less of a vain Type A (I contain multitudes). Oh, and again, I’m not a doctor! None of this is medical advice! This is what I would say if we were hanging out at a party and you asked me! That’s what this is! I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice!

Alright, you woke up broken out. You’ve been heretofore blessed with relatively clear skin. What now?

1. Over the counter hounder.
   Start with the basics. Your Target, your Walgreens, your CVS. There are basically two types of over the counter acne meds: salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide. At different points in my life, one has worked better than the other, and either may work better for you. Benzoyl is usually in an ointment you apply to the acne; salicylic acid is usually in every damn thing – face washes, toners, lotions, etc. Benzoyl stains your sheets, so I’d use it in the day at least to start with; salicylic acid can dry out your face, so I’d start slowly, with a toner, once a day.
   
   Anything else you’re doing, I’d keep the same when you start out, except maybe using a bit more moisturizer. The thing is, you don’t want to get to a point where you’ve changed so much, you can’t tell why the acne is happening any more. When you start slow with two things, once or twice a day, you can always reduce application to once a day, or every other day, if your skin is getting too dry. The most common thing I’ve seen with acne stuff (and I’ve done it multiple times) is just assuming it’s always directly related to oily skin, because that’s often how it is with teens, and therefore we have to dry the fuck out of our face to get rid of it. Of course, dried out skin can also crack, which lets in yuckies, which in turn can cause acne as well.
   
   Which leads me to the next thing for this first phase: Resist the urge to exfoliate. Uggghhhh. You, in fact, do not want no scrubs.
   
   
   
   Not on your face. First off, the salicylic acid does that – it’s a chemical exfoliant, and speeds up the shedding of dead skin. Second, manual exfoliants (scrubs) put little teeny tears in your skin which, again, can irritate it and lead to more breakouts. If you truly are experiencing peeling, just gently (VERY gently!) rub with a damp washcloth. But scrubbing can also lead to opening up a zit (sorry to be gross), spreading the bacteria and causing more acne.
   
2. Try super hard not to pick, sorry, this is useless advice, of course you are.
   Ugh, I know. Sucks. And they’re so much more disgusting looking when you can see that . . . well, you know. But it is true: Picking/popping spreads the bacteria that causes acne in the first place. I’ve noticed since I made a massive commitment to not popping that overall my breakouts last less time, and the zits are less bad. If you super grossed out looking at them, I do like those acne dots. I’m lucky that I found some that match my skin tone exactly, and I’ll wear one all day if I’m not going anywhere (I also am still wearing a mask any time I’m indoors despite being vaccinated AND my acne is mostly on my jawline so nobody sees them anyway).
   
   If you must – MUST! – pick, you gotta get ready. Use a tissue or wash your hands thoroughly and WASH YOUR FACE IMMEDIATELY after. And wash it well. This is also a good moment to use an acne dot or put benzoyl on it, because it’ll cover/kill any errant bacteria and hopefully keep it from spreading.
   
   IMPORTANT UPDATE! I just popped a zit taking my own advice and I woke up the next morning with two additional zits in the same area, so fuck me I guess, DON’T POP THEM!
   
3. Keep washing those hands thoroughly and don’t touch your face.
   Oh, I’m sorry – did you think that this bit was supposed to be reserved for the pandemic? NOPE! Don’t. Touch. Your. Face. Stop it right now! And any time you’re going to apply makeup or do anything else where you sort of have to touch your face, scrub up for that glorious 20 – 30 seconds. You’re not just avoiding COVID and norovirus, you will help keep your face squeaky clean.
   
4. Give it 4 – 6 weeks
   Chances are, if you’ve never had an issue with acne before, the standard routines listed above will help get you through it. But, the key is time. Your skin cycle is around a month – any new thing you try, you have to give it around that amount of time to work (or not). The only exception I’ve noticed is benzoyl peroxide, because it’s actually killing the bacteria. I once had a breakout so utterly painful, I went straight to a dermatologist. He gave me a basic prescription strength benzoyl ointment and the very next day my face didn’t ache any more. It goes right to the source. Of course, it doesn’t prevent more from popping up (especially if you, also, are popping); the salicylic acid helps that by shedding dead skin cells. So, we must wait. We must wait for our precious baby skin to cocoon and then join us on this earth realm.
   
5. Go to a doctor.
   Okay, if it’s been over a month and you feel like you’re playing Whack-a-mole with your acne, it’s probably a good idea to ask a doctor. You may be wondering why I did not say this as Step 1 – well, because not everyone can pay to see a doctor for a relatively harmless (so society says) skin condition, and also because when you go to a doctor, chances are they’ll ask what you’ve already been doing anyway. There are a billion ways to treat acne, so if you’ve tried a certain 10% benzoyl then the doctor at least knows maybe you need an amount that’s higher, for example. In all of my appointments for my acne, that’s the most common denominator: the question, “What have you tried so far?”
   
   Also, your primary is a good place to start – you don’t have to immediately go to a dermatologist unless you want to, or your primary recommends it. There are basic acne ‘scrips that you’d probably want to start with anyway. No one with a brain is giving you Accutane at your first inquiry. Oh, and: Your primary knows about all of your other medical conditions. I can’t use Retin A/retinoids, a very common acne medication, because I’ve had liver problems in the past, which really limits what they can prescribe. Not that a dermatologist won’t ask about that, but a new doctor means taking more time to explain/work through stuff which you might not want to do right away.
   
6. Second verse, same as the first.
   Just like with over the counter, give your skin time (at least 6 weeks) to really use whatever your doctor recommends fully as long as there are no side effects, which should be obvious, but listen, acne is hell and there are times when I honestly think I would’ve walked on broken glass if you said it’d get rid of it. Read the damn booklet that comes with it, watch out for those side effects, and call a doctor immediately if they arise. I say this because since acne is treated as purely aesthetic by society, it can be assumed that the drugs to treat it are harmless too. Nope.
   
   Your doctor should also let you know whether to gradually increase usage or if it’s okay to reduce usage to limit more topical side effects like dryness. Ointments and creams, this is often the case.
   
7. Finally: Facials
   The only thing I’ve ever found that actually improves my skin enough, short-term, for like a special event or something is a really good facial. I know that this is probably out of reach for a lot of folks, but if you can swing it with a really good aesthetician, it is so, so worth it. I’ve had “meh” facials or I’ve had incredible ones, so if you do your research and choose a place (and person! whose name keeps getting mentioned as a skin magician?) that has excellent reviews, chances are it’ll at least de-clog your pores enough to slow down breakouts for a week or two.
   
   I go to a place that . . . Lord, this woman is some kind of a witch, I swear. (A good witch!) Zits are all smaller, if there are any left, skin tone is even – I actually glow.
   
   
   
   That’s me right after baby’s first facial, and I couldn’t believe how even my skin was. And, facials aren’t just to keep your skin nice, it also is very relaxing and good for your brain. Speaking of . . .

We’ve dealt with the matter. Now let’s deal with the mind.

The thing about acne is that it makes you feel like fucking garbage, especially as an adult. We were all awkward teens; most people do not count those years among those in which they were really killing it, looks-wise or otherwise. But as a grown-up, come on. This sucks. And I think the mental/emotional part of it – feeling gross, feeling like other people think you don’t know how to wash your face, etc. – starts to actually dwarf the real issue at hand. It seems worse in our heads. So, while you’re trying to find the system that works for you, here are a couple of things I recommend so you can feel better about yourself if you currently feel poopy about your acne.


1. No foundation makeup routine.
   One of the best things I did for myself in my acne jouuurrrnneeeey is actually the opposite of hiding it. I’ve found that often – though of course not always – covering acne well is such a pain in the ass, and can actually make it look worse/more pronounced, that I might as well just forego foundation and concealer all together. The usual foundation color a person uses might not hack it – obviously, acne is a different color than your skin tone, and foundation can make it darker. And, if it’s bumpy/pronounced, it’s easy to pile on a bunch trying to cover and then make it look more pronounced. Also – has anyone else noticed how like 90% of foundations now are “sheer” anyway? What is the point of that? Nightmare.
   
   But honestly, just the difficulty and lack of results isn’t the main reason why I suggest coming up with a no-foundation make-up routine: The main reason is mental. I truly think most people would be shocked at how much better they feel about their acne when highlighting different areas of their faces and using a blurring primer. My personal no-foundation lewk is HERE – while I wrote that awhile ago, I still do pretty much the same thing: Primer, eyebrows, under eye concealer and liner, mascara, and a light lip color or gloss. A good primer makes everything look a bit less . . . severe, and brightening up my eyes takes attention away from my skin while looking somewhat natural (if you’re into that look, of course).
   
   Again: I think most people would be surprised at how much less severe their acne is when they aren’t using foundations/concealers to hide it, and it’s a real confidence booster. “Huh, this really isn’t so bad . . . ” is music to the ears of the struggling.
   
2. Lots of selfies.
   I’m sure you can tell how utterly self-obsessed I am – I take selfies like it’s my job, because it’s fun and I like my face. But, that’s due to that weird psychological fact you learned in high school: The more you look at something, the more you like it. Same goes for your face! So take those photos of yourself totally bare-skinned or with your new no-foundation face. Especially take them in front of a window with the gorgeous sunlight shining on you – there is no filter on earth like the sun! And remember: If you were to go outside with no makeup on, that effect stays, with a bright light smoothing out all of the imperfections. Meaning, it’s more like how other people see you. Again: It’s probably not as bad as you think.
   
   
   
   
   Sure, my nose is perpetually red, I don’t have a stitch of makeup on, but I really love this picture of me. Oh – and post those suckers too! It’s your FACE! It’s a gift!
   
3. Non-acne skin products because you love how they smell or make your skin feel.
   You may at this stage be fucking exhausted of skin care, and that’s understandable and move along to the final tip. But if you’re not, I highly recommend investing in some nice skin care stuff that has nothing to do with acne, like serums, creams, moisturizers, etc. Now that we are allowed to smell things again in public (if you’re vaccinated – keep your nose away from my Kiehl’s if not), get something that just smells good, that you’ll enjoy using purely for that reason. I am a big believer in the power of good smells on one’s mood, and especially when you’re feeling stressed due to skin issues, it can be a really nice treat.
   
   Additionally, consider the non-acne parts of your face, which is most likely the majority. What has a texture you like, that you enjoy rubbing between your hands and slapping onto your face? What makes your skin feel super soft? I think we often get so caught up in the zits we forget that most of our face needs taken care of too – and, that a lot of acne medication can screw up whatever balance we’ve achieved in terms of moisture and texture.
   
   Essentially, try to incorporate touch, feel, and smell into your skin care routine when it comes to products not revolved around acne treatment. It’s a real mood booster to pay attention to what makes you feel good, as opposed to being so focused on curing what makes you feel bad – your acne.
   
4. As many non-face-based beauty routines/rituals as you can.
   Expanding on that last point: Long baths with bubbles and bath salts and bath bombs. Manis and pedis. Getting your hair done. New outfit. Paint a room. Frame a photo of yourself you love. Surround, surround, surround yourself with beauty with every sense: things you like to smell, to touch, to taste. Learn to cook something you loooooove to eat. Get a massage. Listen to a song you love or watch an episode of a fave tv show every time you start to fret about your face.
   
   So much of endless acne drama is emotional and mental. It makes you feel so, so bad – gross, icky, embarrassed, ashamed. And if you’ve read this far, that’s the main point I want you take with you: When you take moments to really embrace what you think is beautiful, more things appear beautiful to you. It’s a muscle that just needs strengthened. Self-care is important, yes, I’m never going to tell you not to take a bubble bath because they’re the best, but I think self-care can be as simple as being mindful about what we allow to take space in and around us. Take a look around the room you’re in, and what stresses you out, looking at it? What is just plain unattractive to you? Get rid of it (unless it’s, like, your husband or something – or maybe do! I don’t know!). Deliberately focusing on what we love and find beautiful – including our own eyes or lips or skin or hair – releases your brain from the burden of trying to fix something that we’re treating as a main player in our life when it very much isn’t.

If you like my nonsense, more of it is available on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I’m actually having a lot of fun on Twitter and try to keep talk about what new cool art is around/coming out soon, which helps me keep my head on and heart hopeful. Email me at whatthehellisonmyface at gmail dot com.