The other day I saw a tweet that stuck with me so hard, I had to just get some thoughts down about it:

"Diamonds are made under pressure"

But I am not a diamond, I am a human being with emotions, and I can also thrive under balance and gentleness.

— Author Yvette Ratshikhopha📚🌍 (@Yvette_Aloe) August 20, 2021

Whewweeee. There has been a lot since my trip to LA (life-changing) that has been a sort of urging from the universe that I have to, in a sense, get my shit together. And when we use phrases like that – “get my shit together” – there’s a force to it, a determination. It brings to mind lists and schedules, emails sent, projects begun. But, the feelings I’ve been having around Big Life Stuff haven’t quite lined up exactly with that mode of accomplishment. They have, in the words of Ratshikhopha, come from an angle of gentleness, of balance. The achievements will come about from kindness to myself and consideration of who I am, of what I want, and a refusal to sacrifice the essence of who I am – refusing to sacrifice my heart and emotions, my mental capacity, all of it. Refusal to be distracted by that which does not serve me.

I believe that one can actually be strict when it comes to gentleness. While the pairing of “strict” and “gentle” may be paradoxical, perhaps a healthy dose of “strength” suffices to create a bridge between the two. We can be deliberate with gentleness; we can choose it, though it is certainly difficult, especially at first. But eventually, like all mind practices, a habit is created and soon we do it without thinking.

Choosing the way that is most gentle to us is not the surface-level “easiest” way, or the lazy way, and what gentleness means to you may be different from others’ perspectives. For me, being gentle to myself means truly taking the time to emotionally detach, because emotional investment and mental stress are my biggest soul-killers. When I ask myself how I can approach something in a way that is gentle to myself, I’m often asking, “How can I approach this in a way that helps me keep it from negatively affecting my mental and emotional health?”

Once you have a “working” question infused with your “gentle” definition, I think most people would find a quick check-in of “How can I approach this in a way that is most gentle to myself?” can do wonders. If you’re a Type A, highly organized, go-getting efficiency monster like me, the “easiest” thing to is actually to dive right in and start a-fixin’, just determined to get it done and probably doing so, except that when it’s done you’re exhausted, burnt out, and irritated. Instead, take a pause. Ask the question, then add a few more for increased clarity: How do you want to feel after you’ve worked on this problem/situation for awhile? Relieved? Accomplished? Connected? Looking ahead to the “after” of the situation will give you big clues into what your brand of “gentle” is. And keep in mind: How you feel after does not necessarily mean how you feel about the situation you are tackling. It just means in general, because how you feel upon the cycling out of a rough spot or task is central to how you will approach 1.) The next rough spot, and 2.) The things in your life that more easily give you pleasure, happiness, calm and stability.

That being said, another consideration of defining “gentle” may be more like, “How do I approach this in a way that preserves me for my long-term goals?” There may, for instance, be a practical way of working something out that actively utilizes a skillset you need to keep honed for your big dreams. For me, again, it goes back to the question of approaching things so that my mental and emotional energy are not so sapped that I can’t find the wherewithal to write, to meditate, to journal, to take classes in areas of interest, etc. It’s all about energy in my world, but “keeping your eye on the prize” is a goal that has a wide, wide range of gentle possibilities.

I saw this on Facebook right before I saw Ratshikhopha’s tweet, and had already been planning to print it out and put it next to my computer:

I am a big fan of the Chani app (check out her incredible astrology book, “You Were Born for This“), and also a big fan of listening to her horoscopes, meditations, and workshops . . . approximately two hours before they’re taken down for the week. Oops! But anyway – today’s (for this past week) focused a lot on this sort of cleansing of our thought processes.

“What can you take out of your day that makes you feel more at ease and a bit more connected to yourself, and less interested in what’s out of your control?”

Chani Nicholas

Again: the theme of gentleness. Taking time to learn about how to do things in a way that makes us happier, more content, more connected to ourselves can be just as – if not more so – growth-oriented as those situations that make us feel stressed and under pressure. I’ve personally made the decision, now: No more hard lessons for me, as far as I can help it. No more trying to fix what isn’t serving me even when it isn’t broken, and no more leaning into the stress under the false hope that, in doing so, the conquering of the problem will taste sweeter. It won’t.

The last thing I want to say has to do with acknowledging the semi-subconscious fear that arises from a declaration of gentleness for oneself. For one, on the surface-level, there’s the fear that it won’t matter or even that something disastrous will happen (it does matter and no disaster will happen). For another, there’s the fear of a realization that you are in a situation that will not permit you to have gentleness to yourself, and all that entails. That latter fear, I do think is very real and worth a consideration. There is absolutely an element of bravery when choosing yourself and your well-being before everything else, because once you start, you will be required to do so more and more until you’re where you’re supposed to be. If you find yourself choosing gentleness and the result is backlash – punishment (real or imagined, because thoughts are things), a being “put in your place,” a host of external energy just refusing to let you do so peaceably – then you may have to reach further within and declare a whole situation (job, relationship, etc.) to not serve you and gather the courage to move on.

But, if you’ve started with that simple question – the pause asking how to approach this with gentleness – when the problems are a bit smaller, a bit more pedestrian, you’ll find it’s easier to walk away when it’s bigger things. And you’ll much more easily see the bigger things waiting for you.

If you like my nonsense, more of it is available on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I’m actually having a lot of fun on Twitter and try to keep talk about what new cool art is around/coming out soon, which helps me keep my head on and heart hopeful. Email me at whatthehellisonmyface at gmail dot com.