Hello friends!  I’m back!  The blog took a brief hiatus while I sorted my shit out (current status of shit: not at all sorted, oh well), but I’ve returned with a review of one of my favorite, though problematic, beauty items: Tarteist Creamy Matte Lip Paint.  Before we begin the actual testing, it’s $20 and comes in 15 shades.

My personal discovery of this has to do with the most important day in my and everyone I know’s lives, my birthday.  As a Sephora birthday gift, I chose sample sizes of both a Tarte blush and this lip paint and shade called – because of course it is – Birthday Suit.  This was my first Sephora birthday and quite honestly, I still give a little inner “squee!” when I consider how thoughtful their free birthday gift was.  I mean, listen up, once you’re over 30 you spend most of your birthday telling everyone exactly when your birthday is and hoping someone will buy you a shot, maybe.  So to get fancy makeup from an anonymous corporate drone actually touched my dead heart in a way that is rare.

I loved the color so much, I bought the full-sized tube about a month or so later.  First off, the texture:

As you can see, it’s very . . . paint-y.  The fact that it displays as a matte is clear in the actual feel of it, because while a chunk of it is creamy, that original thick bit stays put and the rest sort of . . . wisps off, as if your lips are the canvas and you’re about to start your whole waterlilies phase.

The texture is great for not completely fucking it up and getting all over your mouth and face, like a lot of too-liquidy lip colors.  It’s just thick enough to, as I said, stay put and be relatively easy to tap on without having to focus like it’s your SAT nightmare.  I absolutely love how it feels on my lips, very soft, supple and silky.  As far as taste/smell, it’s incredibly minty, and that combined with the texture makes me continuously rub my lips together, all absent-mindedly.  This stuff turns me into a friggin’ manic pixie dream girl, apparently.

Annnyyywaaaayyyss.  I love this color – great neutral for me, as it’s a tad dark but not to aggressive.  I use it pretty much always before I head out the door, or a similar color.  However, if we were talking purely about texture and color, this would be hands-down, the absolute best lip product ever.  Buuuutttt . . .

This is about five minutes after I put it on.  Remember the “creamy” part of the whole “creamy matte” essence of it?  It comes off easily for awhile, so not the best thing when you want “game, set, match” lip color in a hurry.  One of the things you’re sort of going for when you get something with “matte” in the title is that it’s dry and therefore, stays put for longer.  This, however, despite the texture being just lovely, takes awhile to set.  It does set though, eventually:

The above gif is after an hour.  The color is still great, and it isn’t rubbing off at all. Here’s what it looks like when I’m not acting dumb (or rather, I’m acting dumb while still as opposed to moving):

However, it wouldn’t be a true makeup review unless I tested exactly how long the pigment stayed without having to reapply.  I find that, again, “matte” tends to stay on a pretty long time.  But rather than do some crazy experiment, I drank my straw-water (it keeps you hydrated better, I swear!) –

– and just basically lived my life for the next few hours.  No major meals or anything, just some drinks.  After three hours with no reapplication, this is what it looked like:

Aw man!  All gone.  Oh well.  If you’ve tried a bunch of different lip colors of all different textures and blends and whatever, you probably know that for not doing anything extraneous with one’s mouth (get your mind out of the gutter), this isn’t a super long-lasting lip color.  Even regular lip colors that bill themselves just as a standard cream lipstick tend to at least keep a stain on my lips for longer.  However, if you get it in a neutral shade, then it’s a great go-to.

There’s only one other problem I’ve had with it though:

No, I didn’t drop it and then run over it with a truck. I may have dropped it, like I drop everything, all day, ever day, until the end of time, but I don’t recall an especially hard fall for this.  One day I picked it up and there was a crack in the lid, which wouldn’t be that big of a deal, except that it prevented the lid from screwing onto the bottle properly.  Then, it just slowly kept chipping away, with a bigger and bigger chunk missing, as I used it and screwed the lid back on repeatedly.  This is sort of a bummer, because there are lots of lip paints and whatnot out there, and I’ve literally never had something fall apart like this – and I typically use cheap lip stuff (cuz I don’t care and never seem to run out).  I believe this started to happen only a couple of weeks after I got it so, AND what super sucks is that it’s dryer and dryer every time I use it, taking away the creaminess that first got me hooked.

Product: Tarteist Creamy Matte Lip Paint (in Birthday Suit)

Where to Get It/Accessibility: Sephora, Ulta (link in first mention)

Pros: Great texture and smell, lovely color that’s probably universally flattering

Cons: Wears off somewhat quickly, also takes awhile to dry/set, packaging is a bit weak

Conclusion: If you get one of these lip paints in a neutral, it’s a great every day color that’s easy to apply without getting messy and feels good while it’s on.  Also, as an every-day, it’s worth the $20 price tag.  I wouldn’t get it in a shade that’s only for special occasions, however – the lack of staying power isn’t worth the price.