Ooooh, I have been gone so long!  So much has changed – I’m currently sitting in dear old Mom and Dad’s house, as I’ve moved back to Pittsburgh.  A whole new job and everything!  And, later this summer, a new house as well.  Get ready, because there will be a whole new background behind my silly face.  (There has to be, because that cute cherry blossom stickeroo did not survive being taken down.  RIP.)

For now, though, here’s one another set of photos from my beloved Brooklyn (I actually found another set that preceded this one, so I’ll put that up some other day).  I had wanted to get this done long ago, but life got in the way, so this’ll be a quickie.  With Big Life Changes comes the Cutting of Budgets, and I’ve been pretty good the last six months or so about not going too wild on manicures and pedicures.  This is . . . not easy.

But then, when you have a job that quickly ruins your nails, it’s a bit of an easier pill to swallow.  At the same time, I can’t stand my nails not looking “together,” and truth be told, I’m pretty bad as of late at applying any colorful polish, so enter . . . the Zoya Naked Manicure ($25)!

I’d been wanting to try this for awhile and told myself I’d get it eventually when lo and behold, the manager of my all-time favorite nail place, Reedchy in Park Slope, gave it to me as a Christmas gift for being a long-time customer!  Isn’t that the best?!  If you’re in Brooklyn, check them out; they’re one of the most professional places I’ve ever been, and the prices are great.

First off, I’m a packaging whore, and I love how this is all set up.  They’re not full bottles, and it’s nice to be able to put base, color, and top coat in your travel bag.  And more importantly . . . shiny!

This particular set has a base, top, and two “shades” to choose from.  You’ll see that they have very slight differences later on – basically cool and warm.  However, Zoya has come out with a crap-ton of different sets, including one for men. You can peruse them here.

I’ll tell you right off the bat that I cheated slightly: The shape of my nails is from the last manicure I had, meaning that I didn’t sit down with my nails at their rankest and then buff, clip, and file them.  I basically took off the rest of the color from the manicure and then put this over top.  Cuz well . . . I’m lazy.  And also not great at shaping my nails.  However, I will also say that their “before and after” shots are misleading in the same way: I mean, slapping on a few coats of polish without filing or buffing does not make those nails come out that way.  Here’s a clear “before” shot for me:

First off, the base.

I might as well say from the start that I absolutely love the texture of these.  They’re thick enough to be meaningful without getting sticky or tacky.  They go on smoothly and this base dries fast.  Like, basically just melts onto your nail.

Next up, I do the Lavender Perfector.  Barely a color, it just adds a cool tinge to your nails to make them more evenly colored and, well . . . polished looking.

It looks WAY more purple than it comes off, as you’ll see.

See? Borderline clear.  It really does a nice job of evening out the nail and creating a smooth finish.  I did two coats of it.

There’s a slightly cool finish to it, but it’s barely perceptible.

Now for the Pink Perfector.

Like the Purple Perfector, it’s a barely perceptible color, concentrating more on tone than color.

When I held my hands together, I could definitely see a difference between each hand with the two tints.  It was basically a slight shimmer or gleam of difference, but it was there.  It doesn’t show up much on camera, but here’s the two hands together if you want this to be your “Black and Blue or Gold and White” moment.

Last, I finished up with a top coat.  A bit thicker than the other polishes, but just as clear and non-sticky.

I found with each coat that I could “glop” it on a bit and it didn’t really affect drying time or texture.  That, even if it was a thick coat, it stayed even and sort of created a bit of a shell over the nail.

On top of everything, my set came with this handy little booklet that describes different ways you can use the set, as well as different tints and polishes you can use to get more of a specific/fancy look, by combining them like a crazy mad nail scientiest.

Overall, I friggin’ love this set and I use it all the time.  Typically, it’s what I use as an in-between-manicures solution.  You literally CANNOT mess it up, at all.  It’s impossible.  Get it all over your fingers, and it’ll gently peel off the slight ripples of the local creek off the rocks.  As days go by and it chips, it’s not really noticeable.  The only downside is just that, if you get dirt under your nails, it absolutely will show. But, like, maybe clean under your nails?  It can’t solve all of your problems, yanno?  Also, because the “color” is so clear, you’ll still have to file, buff, and trim cuticles to get an exceptionally clean look.  Again, though, if you piggyback off of your last mani, even this step can be skipped.  One last word of caution: It will seal in any leftover color, so you might want to wait a day in between a bright red and using this set, not that I know that from experience.

This set is just necessary.  Buy one, keep it in your house for when you realize your polish is all chipped and you have to be somewhere the next night with no time for a new manicure.  Buy it to make up for your poor fine motor skills and inability to put on any real color neatly.  Buy it to keep at work for when Linda from accounting is up your ass and you want a moment of self-care in the midst of your day (just use a fan to blow away the fumes fro the coworkers you actually like).  I’ve used it a million times, it feels like, and I’m only about 1/3 through each bottle, so you more than get your money’s worth.

And most importantly, use it for the same reason I do: My Catsuit is at the cleaners, and I broke a nail trying to keep myself falling off of that roof during my fight against patriarchy and Michael Keaton.